Another post where I complain about DAVID.

August 1, 2023

I’m struggling mightily to find a balance between three things.

1. The kind of person I want to be.

2. How I feel right now and how I want to act.

3. What it is most healthy to do.

I experienced an incredible sense of betrayal in May, when David and I “transitioned to friendship”. For well over half the time we were a “couple” (just short of eight months), he spent an enormous amount of time and effort trying to make me feel OK about our relationship when I knew full well something was off.

I can’t tell you how many times I asked, “Are we OK? I feel like something is off. Is this what you really want? Are you in this? Are we going to make it?”

And he’d respond, “Yes, of course this is what I want. I believe we will make it. I feel that.”

He was patient with my questions at first, or at least he pretended to be. He was convincingly reassuring. But then he started to get frustrated. When he started to roll his eyes and get angry, I knew for a FACT I’d hit upon a truth.

I am left to wonder if he ever would have initiated the breakup. If I’d left it up to him, which I was most tempted to do, it would have taken a long time, but eventually he would not have…