Guess who’s paying for dinner?

Photo by Mattias Diesel on Unsplash

Who pays for dinner on a date is a sticky one. I still haven’t come up with a concrete set of guidelines for my own self.

I’m a feminist. Do I hold to the notion that the man always pays on dates? Because almost all of my women friends do. And when I talk to my men friends, they tell me all the women they go out with expect them to pick up the tab. Some are annoyed by that, but most seem to accept that’s just the way it is.

There are things I evaluate about my date which guide my decision on how to act when the server sets the check on the table.

Sometimes at the point we’re planning the date, I’ll say, “Let’s split the check. I don’t want you to think I automatically expect you to pay because you’re the man.” He might say, “OK”, or he might say, “Well, let’s just see.” In either of those scenarios, when the check comes, I wait to see how things play out and act accordingly.

If there’s no pre-meet discussion, I assess who is in the stronger financial position. If he’s a lawyer and I work at a convenience store, I’m going to let the check sit until he goes for his wallet and lays down a credit card.

If I’ve run up a big bar bill, and my date automatically picks up the check with the clear intent to pay, I always say, “Let me pay for my drinks, I don’t expect you to do that.” I’ve never had…