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Hey! Take a breath! Let me talk!
Balanced Communication
The people I choose to form relationship with are people with whom I have balanced communication. That means we both talk about the same amount of time, we both actively listen, we don’t interrupt one another, at least not on purpose, and we choose topics that are mutually engaging.
When I’m on a first date and the man isn’t letting me talk, I get really irritated. I might even say, “Hey! Take a breath! Let me talk!” I might make another date, give him another chance. It could be he was nervous and talking continuously is how he deals with being uncomfortable. Whether I see him again depends on how frustrated I was.
It also depends on how interesting he was. Sometimes, if he’s super eccentric, but super smart and super interesting, I’ll give him another opportunity because maybe he’ll get a clue and let me talk more next time. Regardless, if I choose to form a friendship with a man with whom I find it impossible to have a back-and-forth dialogue, that’s all it will ever be, a friendship.
Conversely, if the man never talks, if I have to carry the entire conversation, that’s just exhausting. I will likely not make a second date. I’m not irritated, I’m not frustrated, I’m just worn out.
There’s one sure rule out — if he doesn’t get my jokes, he’s toast!
*An excerpt from my book How To Do Single With Dignity & Grace, available on Amazon.
