I emailed you, P.D. There's a lot more going right for you than you realize. The only thing I can say is what a friend said to me once when I told him it was over, that I was resigned to feeling like shit for the rest of my life. He said, "Don't make the mistake of thinking how you feel right now is how you will always feel." I clung to that for a long time, not really believing it. But now, I believe it. There is no magic, and things are far from perfect. But they're better.