I felt that way for a while, until I realized up to 90% of people never have an outbreak so they don't know they have it. And in retrospect, realizing that I've probably had it for a decade with a series of false negative tests (the wrong test!!!) and having exposed many men myself. If you know, it's one thing not to disclose. But so many people just don't know. I do blame myself, still, for preaching condom use to everyone I know, and then not being consistent myself. Alas. There are risks and consequences to every choice we make. And I don't feel like I'm being punished. I forgive myself. (Most of the time...)