I know what it’s like to have my partner be unfaithful.

April 20, 2019

I know what it’s like to have my partner be unfaithful. I didn’t catch him in the act, I figured it out from the clues he dropped. I think he wanted me to find out, because I think he wanted me to invest more of myself into him and into the relationship. His act was one of rebellion. Because he wasn’t getting anything outside of us I wasn’t willing to give him, freely and often. But I was engrossed in my career, spending weeks away on business. And he didn’t like not being the center of my life.

It was a dying relationship. We were woefully wrong for one another. He was abusive. I loved him, but it wasn’t a good thing. It wasn’t sustainable, and I knew that for a very long time before I was finally able to walk away.

Years later, my friend remarked, “You really fought for Vance.”

“Why?” I asked.

She knew the intimate details of the abuse. She did what she could, but she really had no power to change my mind about him. I was committed, against everything I knew to be true. I lied to myself and I fought very hard for many years to make it work.

“I don’t know why you fought. I don’t know why you stayed,” she replied. “But you did.”

At the time his infidelity was discovered, I just wanted him to tell me the truth. I say this again and again, it is one of my core beliefs. I can always handle the truth. Tell me what you’ve done. I’d rather hear the truth from you than a lie. Even if the truth is devastating, it’s far more devastating to be deceived.