I like this life I’m making for myself. Me and Tabitha. We are doing just fine!

December 27, 2023

I had a conversation with an old friend this afternoon. We don’t talk often; a couple times a year. I told him what’s going on with me, that I left my role as my mother’s caregiver, and how that’s all settling with me.

He told me his brother had been the one who took on the role of primary caregiver for his mother because they lived near one another, although he and his sister helped financially. My friend has a wife and young children and didn’t feel he was able to stay with his mother for any length of time. The primary responsibility fell to his brother.

Their mother passed a year ago, and his brother is still resentful. The relationships between the siblings are not back to what they were and may never be. My friend has some guilt over that, but he lived cross country and has a wife and children, and simply wasn’t able to take on the role his brother had. I understand putting the needs of your immediate family ahead of the needs of aging parents. I get that. I don’t fault him for that. But I couldn’t tell him he shouldn’t feel bad for letting the caregiver role fall to his brother simply because of proximity. Because when you get right down to it, you can put your immediate family as priority and still care for an aging parent — he could…