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I used to pretend I was jealous. Because that is what heterosexual women are supposed to do.
July 29, 2023
I used to pretend I was jealous. Because that is what heterosexual women are supposed to do.
Reaching back into my 20s, when I was involved with the horrible man I never speak about, but perhaps will speak about now… He had an ex-wife, and another woman friend. I wasn’t really jealous, but I thought if I didn’t act jealous, he would think I didn’t value him. (I didn’t value him.) So maybe I acted jealous to convince myself he was worth being jealous over.
And then Dean, he was quite a player. But I wasn’t jealous. I got him. I knew how his mind worked. I knew his ego drove his behavior, that he didn’t like himself, that attention from women made him feel OK. I get that. I’m the same way. Most of us are, to some degree. It wasn’t the cheating that did us in, it was the lack of respect. Cheating was only one of the ways he devalued me. There were a host of other psychological methods he employed. Dean was a dick. I saw through it all, though, and chose to stay for much longer than I should have. But back then, I didn’t like myself enough not to settle.
I don’t take up with men who I know are going to seek attention from other women, not anymore. I don’t get involved with men who are shallow in that…
