Member-only story
I was made for love. Big Love.
September 7, 2021
I have very strong love feelings. For R*.
I trust they are love feelings. But. What good have love feelings done me in my life? Not much good.
Unrequited love. I know all about that. I write all about that. All the time.
He’s like Jeff. He desires me. He likes me. I intrigue him. I’m fun. I make him laugh. I soothe his sadness. I lift him up, tell him he’s wonderful. He is wonderful.
He’s quiet, introspective, thoughtful. I was going to say not like Jeff, but yes, like Jeff. Jeff was those things, is those things. I just didn’t see it, but I know it.
His priorities are straight on, his values are true, he’s wounded but open. That last — not like Jeff. Or maybe. Jeff was open to me. As open as he could be — with a wife. R* isn’t bound by that.
Why am I comparing R* to Jeff? Because it feels like it did with Jeff. And I admire him for the same reasons I admired Jeff.
So, I tell myself the same things I tell myself every time. Love does not demand its own way. Love is a gift, given with no expectation of any return. I don’t have a right to expect anything. Of anyone. I can love, but I don’t have a right to expect to be loved back. Because I never am. Or if I am, not in the way I need to be loved…
