I was spiritually abused, too. Working through it just like you. I have had embodied spiritual experiences so I cannot talk myself out of believing even though it is not logical. The Bible was written by humans with agendas. It’s largely fables carried down and distorted through generations of oral tradition. Theodicy has always been the clincher. If God is sovereign and allows evil, God is evil. I do not believe God is sovereign. I do not believe God knows the future. I’m studying process theology and it resonates. I have much to learn, much to explore. I would never try to talk anyone into anything. Just sharing where I’m at on my own faith deconstruction journey. I honor you, I honor your opinion, I affirm your anger, and I especially honor your pain. I know this anger. I know this pain.