I was the mistress. I did what I did because the pain inside me was so great I'd have done anything to alleviate it. The pain inside was greater than the pain I knew I'd cause his family. For that, I am horrified. But that is indeed where I was at at that time. I'm sorry for it. But if I went back to that time and that mindset, I'm ashamed to say I'd do it all again. Now, I'm different. I avoid even the remotest connection with a partnered man. Too much pain for all involved. Won't go there. Can I say never? No. I never say never. I am good, bad, and everything in between. Capable of things I'd not thought possible. I must embrace that if I am to really know who I am and what I want. I must know who I am in order to make the best choices - for me and for anyone I'm involved with. That's hard.