I'm not defending your wife, or any spouse that denies their partner sexually. Because I'm dating someone with ED and good lord, there are a plethora of ways we get our needs met. But I will say with my aging vagina, penile penetration was painful. I attempted to use estrogen cream twice, about 8 years apart each time. It works! Both times I ended up with abnormal post menopausal bleeding and had to have a D&C, which revealed pre-cancerous changes to my uterine lining. So no more hormone creams for me. But, that doesn't mean I don't go all out when I'm in a relationship, and expect my partner to as well. Penile penetration is only one aspect of sexual intimacy. https://www.cocodensmore.com/post/the-vintage-treasure-box