Is he really separated?

Photo by Emily Marsh on Unsplash

I have and will date someone who is separated. But what’s the definition of “separated”?

My definition of separated is he is not living with his wife and papers have been filed with the courts. I have compromised on this upon occasion, and I have always regretted it.

Here are some of the stories I’ve heard:

“We’re living together, but I’m sleeping in the basement, and we don’t have sex.” OK, very well then. Guess what? Married people have sex. Even if he’s sleeping on a cot in the storage shed, he’s still living with his wife. And guess what? Married people have sex! The reality is, and this is proven out by extensive studies on the subject, his wanting to have sex with you has little or nothing to do with the sex he’s having or supposedly not having with his wife. He wants to have sex with you because there are much deeper issues in his marriage, and sex seems like an easy respite from the mundane. Infidelity is never simple! Take my word for it! Encourage him to get therapy. Encourage him to DO THE WORK. Then cut off communication.

“We’re staying together for the children.” Cool. That’s very decent of you. However, if he has young kids, and he’s cheating, and they find out, that will majorly fuck them up. Not just maybe, I’ve seen it. It will absolutely fuck them up. Even if his adult children find out he’s cheating on mom…