Member-only story
It’s banal. It’s BORING.
April 17, 2023
I turn 60 on Saturday.
I’ve been depressed. I don’t like it. It frightens me. I know I’ll be OK, though. I push on, I push through, moment by moment. But I am anxious; I am fearful.
I feel like I’m hurling towards death. Time goes so quickly, everything is compressed. I’m racing to the end. I haven’t much time left to do the important things I want to do. I want to get it right. I want to do the things that maximize my contributions.
Second to that, I want to do the things that will get me to the biggest and most profound understanding. I chase after Wisdom. I have a hold of the hem of her cloak. I won’t let go. I can’t. But I cannot run fast enough. The chase has brought me much peace and much joy. So much that I am consumed wanting more.
The root of this quest is not selfish. I no longer sit at my laptop to write with the thought of monetizing my work. Writing itself is what drives me, not making money from writing.
I know full well what I have to share is not magical. There is nothing new. Nothing I have to say is more important or better said than what’s been said already. I do have a unique perspective in all of time and space, and yet that is true for all of us.
