It’s not about being willing, it’s about being prudent.

January 7, 2023

I’m on the cusp of something really big and really great but it might not be what I thought it was.

I met someone, someone really special. And things were going well, well, they’re still going well. The direction has changed. I’m trying to figure out how I feel about that.

I have always known it is more likely than not I will meet my Person. That I will fall in love and that it will be mutual, that we will be in lock step and want the same things, have the same desires for relationship. And I will marry. There won’t be a happily ever after because there’s no magic to any of it. But I will find the thing — yes — the magical thing — which has eluded me up until now. I know that’s coming. I thought perhaps it was here. And perhaps it is! But perhaps not.

It was a bit of time in coming, coming to this conclusion that it is indeed what I want at this point in my life. That I do indeed want the Full Meal Deal and will settle for no less going forward. So ironic that the man that got me to this place of realization is now telling me he wants something different. I was so afraid to assume for so long that he really truly was in it. And he told me over and again that yes, he’s truly in it. And I finally believed that and I finally rested in that. But then he realized…