Now. Let’s see if I can reign in my insecurity and have some fun!

July 22, 2024

Franklin is coming. He’ll be in Seattle for business, and he’s driving to Portland Thursday afternoon to meet me. He wanted to come last spring, but I had school, and it was a legitimate excuse. But I was more than a little relieved to put him off. Then he told me over a month ago he’d be in Seattle on business and that he wanted to spend time with me. The terror hit all over again. Not one to let fear drive my decisions, I’ve been trying for months, now, to figure out why I’ve been so apprehensive to meet. So many reasons, but I’ll distill it down to two. At least two major headings with a whole bunch of subtext.

I’m afraid to have sex.

I haven’t had a sexual relationship in coming up on two years. Actually, almost exactly about this time two years ago. With Don. That was a lovely relationship, and is still a lovely friendship, but letting go of him as a lover was excruciating. It was absolutely the right thing to do, even selfless! But still, excruciating.

Just two months later, I met David. And as you know, if you’ve been on this journey with me, I for sure for sure thought the quest was over. That I’d found that person who I’d be with. Not forever, because that’s just ludicrous. I’m sure eternity would put people off on one…