Sometimes it’s safe to lose patience with the people who love you, because it is very likely they will continue to love you.

Photo by Emily Wade on Unsplash

September 8, 2023

I found this in my drafts. It’s time to post it.

Yesterday, it became untenable to remain in communication with David. He was always generous about my spiritual leanings, but since I began seminary and have stepped up my spiritual practices, he’s not been kind. Our different views weren’t an issue before — I’m thinking now he was being generous because we were a couple and he wanted things to stay even. But now that the stakes are low, he’s become downright cruel.

I can’t promise I’ll not take back up with the friendship in the future. He’s going through a lot right now. He realizes that sometimes it’s safe to lose patience with the people who love you, because it is very likely they will continue to love you. But he also must recognize he can’t count on that indefinitely.

June 7, 2023

Well, I said it would take some time and it has. I’m better. 19 days. It will have been three weeks on Friday.

Yesterday, the day of the move, I woke up at 6 and it was around 8 when I realized it was the first time I had thought about David. Normally, he would be about the first person I thought of when I woke. It was really nice to realize he’s no longer front and center in my mind.

And then today, unpacking throughout the day, then hiding away in my room from mom because she’s on OCD overdrive… When I think of David, there’s not that sense of connectedness anymore. When I think of him, I don’t think of him as my boyfriend, my person, the person closest to me in the world. Because he’s just not. A few days ago, when I started to experience that shift, it made me sad. But today I am less sad. There is a sense of calm, a sense that things are how they should be.

I keep thinking of what I said about how I know how to do single because I’ve done it all my life. And I really do know how to do single with dignity and grace. This is my natural state. This is not what I expected, but it is what I have and it is not a bad thing. It is a good thing.

It is still not all of what I want for myself. I very much would like to experience being part of a couple. But it has to be the right person, the…