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The Fundamentalist Christian Mindfuck — Part I
April 7, 2023
Before you proceed, please be aware this is a very difficult read about the effects of spiritual abuse and childhood sexual abuse.
I’ve been listening to a podcast titled The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill. I’m starting to realize how much of my lifelong struggles with depression, self-esteem, and shame are rooted in the spiritual abuse I experienced as an adolescent at Open Door Baptist Church in Lynnwood, Washington.
Let me go back to the beginning.
From birth, literally birth, I’ve been taught about Jesus. Jesus loves me. Jesus is my savior. But mostly, Jesus is watching. My mother recounts how whenever she was tempted to do something bad as a child, she saw a picture of Jesus in her mind and she didn’t do it. And that would be white Jesus, the portrait that hangs on her bedroom wall to this day.
In spite of all that, for as long as I can remember, I have felt God’s love and I can remember always loving Him back. I loved going to church with my grandparents, my mom’s parents, because they were the only ones that took me to church. I loved Sunday school. I loved it when I got to go to vacation Bible school in the summer at my other Grandma’s church, my Dad’s mom. (She was a trip. Future post all about that one, there.) The long and short of it was, I…
