Member-only story
The Shower Thing
September 2, 2021
So, my shameful shower secret is that I don’t want to take them. Only a few people know about this problem. Well, now everyone will know.
When I’m depressed, everything seems a monumental effort. The things that used to give me pleasure, feeling shower fresh and ready to dress and be off to work to start my day, none of that exists any longer.
It’s not only the joy of feeling clean that no longer exists. Now, I really think about all those basic hygiene tasks I took for granted all my life. I always did them before because that’s just what I did to care for my body. I never had to think about those things and it never occurred to me to question them.
Now, anything that requires any effort, and everything requires effort, spawns an extended process of pondering. I lie in bed and ponder and ponder and ponder on how hard it is going to be to actually do that thing I know I’m supposed to do, I know I have to do, before I get up and do it.
And the more I ponder, the more overwhelming it all seems, and I become exhausted just laying in bed thinking about how I have to get up and take a shower. And after that, brush my teeth. And after that, get dressed… And after that get in the car… And after that get gas because I’m on empty… That’s a lot. Way too much.
