This is anxiety. This is mania.
November 11, 2023
I’ve set out to do many things today, and have lasted about ten minutes, tops, on any one of them. My mind is racing, I’m anxious, and I’m full of anger. I can’t accomplish much under these conditions. I was able to change the litter box. A five-minute task. Feel good about that. But vacuuming up the litter proved too much.
I’ve reading to do for school, and I can’t quiet my mind enough to get through a paragraph. I start thinking of everything else crowding my mind and my life and I just can’t focus. I set the book aside.
I look at Facebook, which I despise doing and despise myself for doing. I find a comment I vehemently disagree with and skewer the author. I feel justified. I remember I’m not supposed to be wasting my time on Facebook and I remember I’m in seminary and focused on developing my spirituality and in light of that, I should stop being such an asshole, so I close Facebook and go to the news.
The news simply lathers me up further. I delete the news to get it off my watchlist. Then I don’t have to think about watching it because it’s not there. But now I look at the list and see my news is no longer there. Where is it? Did mom delete it? Goddamn it! Mom deleted MY SHOW! I restore the news from the deleted list and start to watch it. Oh ya. I watched this. I deleted it. Not mom. I’ve…
