This is bad stuff. I fell prey to the same mindf**k. I’m so sorry. I’m glad you’re working through it with your writing. I have experienced a tremendous amount of healing through writing about spiritual abuse. But some of those wounds will never close over completely. I let fear of hell drive so many of my decisions. And right now I am really immersed in the anger and pain of that knowledge. I Persevere. One foot in front of the other.