Those Fucking Hallmark Movies

December 31, 2024

There are times when you love someone so much you can’t imagine ever not loving them. And then it ends, for one reason or another, and the pain is excruciating. And some time passes, and the pain isn’t as bad. And then you realize you’re coming up on seven years, and you wonder why you ever thought you loved them at all. It was sordid. It was depraved. It was tragic. It was sad. Jeff is who I’m thinking of.

But I didn’t give up hope I’d find love, not just then. I thought for certain I’d meet someone. I’d done the work, I’d done the time, I was at my best, I was sure to attract the once and for all and done deal man. And then I met David, and I really thought I had. I really did. I thought we both wanted it so badly that we’d make it work, no matter what. But there was a lot of “no matter what”, too much it turned out, and that ended, too.

That one was tough. After a few months, it wasn’t David I was missing so much, but the opportunity lost, spent, once again. Wrong guy right time? Maybe. Or just not meant to be? Maybe that. Or maybe… well… whatever it was it wasn’t right. It wasn’t sustainable as a romance. He’s a loving, supportive, trustworthy, and consistent friend, I’ll give him that. But he annoys me so badly sometimes I wonder what the hell I was thinking that we could last long-term. It’s hard to put myself back in…