You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star.

December 29, 2021

I haven’t been writing the last several days. I’ve been watching a lot of movies.

I don’t like movies with happy endings. I don’t like romances. I like it if there’s a romance in the movie, but not if that’s what the movie is about. Even if it’s a drama, there’s usually a romance. (Romance is the epitome of drama!) There’s always some bittersweet thing, or some sort of misunderstanding, that breaks the lovers up or keeps them apart.

Reconciliation is rare. And that’s real life, to me. So, it fits. There is no happily ever after in romantic love. I’ve not experienced it, and that’s an understatement. And I’ve not seen it, either. There is a good fit, a good relationship fit — I see that with my friends. But it’s rare, frankly. Quite rare.

The last couple movies, the woman has said to the man, “We really had something.” The second time I heard that, I noticed. It prompted me to reach back into my life and remember if I’d ever said that to anyone. No. I’ve never said that to anyone.

My breakups have been inevitable. There was never a person I knew was the one I’d be with for a lifetime. Never. I always knew, I knew it about all of them, that they just weren’t right, that it just wouldn’t be a right fit for life.