Your goals aren't ridiculous. They're just goals. And if bestselling authors never had the goal of putting their work into the world, there would be no bestselling works. The key may be to create art, not to chase after grand commercial success. I let go of striving towards commercial success, and decided to simply focus on putting my life's learning to paper, in the hopes it will bring insight, comfort, and healing to others that suffer as I do. I've been making a small amount here on medium, but I don't count on any grand return. Whatever happens, happens. My job, as I see it, my responsibility as a human with my life experiences and my writing talent, is to put it to paper and put it into the world. The rest is really not up to me. Do what works for you, but for goodness sake, stop calling yourself ridiculous. You are far far from that. You are a talented writer in your own right. I enjoy your work a great deal. I've learned a great deal from you. You are worthy. You are enough. I hope you get hold of that very soon.