Member-only story
Your gut always tells the truth.
May 10, 2025
I know what it feels like to be helpless and in grave danger.
There have been men who have overpowered me, hurt me, and raped me.
Many more have abused me in far more subtle ways.
It began with the choices I made in my 20s. Choices that were a direct result of having my father systematically deconstruct all my sense of self until I believed I had no worth. Men sense that. Some men are drawn to that.
It’s been several years, over a decade now, since I was with an abusive man. I like to say my picker is healed. And it is, for the most part. I’m still on the dating sites, open to meeting new people and building friendships. Will I have a sexual relationship again? Well, I don’t know right now. I’ve been out of that headspace for quite some time, dealing with some pretty profound health issues. It’s just not something I’d feel comfortable with right now.
Although it’s obvious from my profile I’m looking for friendship, not sex, when I do engage in conversation with someone, I make that clear up front. Some of them fall away. And that’s just as well, I think. It’s a bit sad, sometimes, when I have a good connection, but they are focused on a different type of relationship, traveling a different path. We are all on our own path. You can’t talk a man into…
