Your words might well be mine. I am struck by the fact so many of us make the same choices, experience the same pain, and remain in the affair. Why do we do that? I know a little bit about why I did, after ruminating about it near constantly those first few years after it ended, and writing out my heart. And I'm six years on, now, so I'm better. I don't even think of him everyday. Then I read this and I'm transported right back there, all that pain, all that ugly heart rending, life threatening pain. My heart is with you, Phoenix. I don't know how long it's been, but if you're still tempted, email me. I will listen to you and affirm you and encourage you. But mostly I will listen to you. Because, my dear dear girl, I get it. He didn't hear you. But I do. cocodensmore@outlook.com